When you try, do you really try?

Now I know we all have come into contact with competition in life. Whether it be for academics, arts, sports, or simply knowledge on a particular subject. But have you ever had to really try to achieve something? I mean REALLY try. I have noticed something about myself recently, a comment I received once, "Wow Courtney, you really are a jack of all trades". Now I did appreciate that comment, at first. I have many skills in a wide variety of areas, however the entire quote that person was referencing is "a jack of all trades, a master of none.".... that last part rang in my head for quite some time, master. What was I the BEST at?

Thinking back, there were many times when effort and skills got me to a certain point, but the last stretch left me afraid of failure. So here I am now, in college, majoring in Sociology, minoring in Italian, and still working towards a career involved with writing and maybe music. I have no idea what my future holds for me, and in my dreams it appears as a swirling vortex of pressures and opinions and expectations ...and yet, at the end of the tunnel is still, me... all of my hopes and wishes.

So here I stand now, scared to death to fall down that hole. Yet, don't you think if you got a sprinting start you will end up going farther and maybe even making it across? I do, and ladies and gentlemen... that is the plan.

Now we all know I love using fun references... this time it is a movie. Go and watch Meet the Robinsons , it is animated and absolutely awesome. The catch phrase for this film... "KEEP MOVING FORWARD." There is a part of the movie where the protagonist fails at something, and the family cheers... because he TRIED. After all, as the cliche` phrase goes, if at first you don't succeed... try, try again. At the end of the day, failures is what makes things better than the first idea that was created. So let's all go out there and try.

So now, for all of YOU....

CHALLENGE: Want something? Do it... This post I want you to focus on something that scares you. It may be as simple as trying a little harder at something because of the fear to mess it up. Whatever you decide... just TRY. Whether with a personal relationship, with a drawing, sports, a career aspect... whatever you want.

This week I have ALREADY done the challenge so I will share what mine was. I am a writer... obviously... but I have always been afraid to read it out loud. To show it to people and let them share opinions because I fear I am not good enough. I come from a life of high expectations and at times too much pressure, which causes a perfectionist attitude at times. So I stopped writing all together not too long ago, but the other day it was sunny and I was inspired. I walked along and stopped in front of a group of protesters, against war. I sat on a bench nearby and wrote, and when I was finished, I called home and read it aloud. Not going to lie, it felt good. :)

So now it is your turn... even if it SUCKS just try it... you will feel better, I promise :)
OH... and let me know how it goes!

Take a breath, hold it in.

" I want adventure in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell. and for once it might be grand, to have someone understand. I want so much more than they've got planned"--Belle, Beauty & The Beast.

^This quote embodies my current thought process. Life is full of so much; full of opportunities, full of mistakes, full of energy. When asked what you want out of life, most people would say some version of success, whether it is money, love, comfort. However I don't see people living just to live, to be full of life.

Everywhere I go I see beauty of life and the people in this world. Yes I become a cynic at times because this world is full of evil deceit and people just looking to get ahead, but there is good somewhere right?

Did you ever breathe in and just feel the energy around you? Pardon me for mixing Disney movies at the moment, but I am on a kick. Take Belle's sense of adventure, with Pocahontas's love for nature and life and create an attitude to have everyday. Now as a Sociology major and just finishing my gender midterm, let me appeal to the men as well because I know this seems "girly". You can have adventure too, not for "bringing home the bacon" either. Forget realistic, forget how the world tells you to hold yourself down... anything is possible.

Of course Belle's quote deals with the adventure of love, someone to understand her, but it is Disney what do you expect... independence? Ha.

Adventure of love would be wonderful, but that is harder to come by. Now adventure of life, that is something that can be found every day, in each breath we take. Now... for the main point here..

CHALLENGE: Go on an adventure. I am not saying to some unknown land or anything extreme. My friends and I go on adventures daily. Preferably a beautiful nature setting. Walk around a wooded path or a park and watch the way the sun glistens off of the leaves. Last week my friend and I went to a field, played music, and danced around. Anything will do.
ONE CONDITION-- this is where it gets tricky but I know you all can do it! Make sure you are truly and blissfully happy for one moment on this adventure, whether it's the music you are playing or just the way the river moves downstream... let yourself fill up with happiness to where you cannot hold back a smile. Think it is impossible to be that fulfilled with no material items? Think again, I do it daily =). Let LIFE fill you, let the energy of true happiness take over... and do something more.

Time to open up, open up wide.

Lately I have realized certain debates are completely futile. When debating with people who already are completely arrogant and continue to fuel their insecurities with the "I am older, wiser, better" phrase that is surely ringing in their head 24/7, the many conversations seem to have no end until the arrogance builds up to anger and they leave the conversation hot headed.

However, insecurity is the root of the problem. We all have them, insecure about our looks, intelligence, experience. Always asking questions like, " am I creative enough to do this?" "Am I not good enough because I didn't go to college?"

Insecurity, the word almost makes you automatically search for your own flaws. Sometimes they can make you shut down, fight back against it. You are insecure about how your life turned out, you feel inadequate so you always have to be right to people you see "below" you. Bullies when you are little are just projecting insecurities, that's what you always hear right? "Oh sweetie they are just insecure and need to pick on people to make themselves feel better".

We all have them, some people can deal with them in healthy ways, others can't. When people project their insecurities onto others, as frustrating as it is, I can't help but to pity them. They cannot help themselves, and are so insecure that they treat people poorly or act out to where they look almost idiotic. Challenge time =)


CHALLENGE: You can do one of two things this time. Take on your insecurity, feel bad about your look? Do something healthy for yourself, go for a run, get a facial, dance around your house (one of my personal favorites). If it's something more personal, research something, try to learn something new, you can just stand in the mirror and list all of your positives. I find when I get upset about myself, I list all of my good things and you realize "Hey, I guess I am pretty awesome." and YOU ARE AWESOME. we all have good points.

CHALLENGE NUMBER TWO: If you don't feel quite ready to take on your insecurity, or are still in a denial phase of not having any, be open-minded. The next time you lash out, or someone lashes out at you, try to think of why you, or that person, are really doing it. Let your mind stay open wide and allow new perspectives and ideas to come into your mind, see people for why they act certain ways rather than assuming "oh they are just ignorant".

YOU CAN DO IT! DON'T FORGET ALL OF THE WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT YOU!


Peace. Love. Respect. <3

F.I.N.A.L.S- eff I never actually learned this stuff.

So it is that time, finals. oh the joy of being a college student. One last crazy weekend followed by 24 hour quiet hours, sleepless nights, and junk food filled with caffeine and sugar to keep you focused on studying. Oh, and if you are bad at tests, you are d-o-n-e.

I have the joy of taking three lovely finals at the end of this semester:

1. Archaeology of Ancient Greece & Rome ( the class you thought would be interesting but actually makes you think of tossing yourself in front of a bus).

2. Introduction to Sociology (the class that is fun to be in and not too hard, but still covers a lot of information).

3. Italian II ( the class that decided not to have a midterm so you are forced to remember months of new conjugations and structure and when to use them in one test).


This is my weekend. Full of note cards, highlighters, headaches, & confusion. Where one final I have no idea what to study because the teacher makes no sense and everyone gets C's. Two where I am focusing on keeping my A's, and one class that did not require a final (Dance). I do not accept anything lower than a B, and even B's tend to get on my nerves. So these can make or break me. Which brings me to the challenge you all, I am sureeee, are wondering about.

Challenge: RELAX. Take twenty minutes, a few hours, a whole day, and relax. Calm yourself in every way possible. Go somewhere calming. Shut off the lights, light a candle or spray a soothing scent, take a bath. BREATHE. Stress can rule over people constantly and cause way more problems then the problem you are stressing about in the first place; trust me, I know.

so take some time, cleansing deep breaths, and refresh yourself!

Fun Fact.

Hello again. Something I noticed is I have a bit of, well a catch phrase I guess you could say. I love using the phrase "fun fact"=) Why do I like this you ask? Well it is learning, learning can be fun. Now I do not mean I love sitting through boring lectures and all that, but when I am interested about something I like to learn. It can be very intriguing. So since you are reading, I will reward YOU with some fun facts of my own. =)

Fun facts:
-I go to Drew University which is one of the top 5 most haunted campuses in the states. I believe we are number three.
-Part of the underground railroad is directly under this campus, my friend saw part of the tunnel!
- You know the big fuss about Britney's new single? If you seek Amy? Well the dirty innuendo is originally done by a band called April Wine, an 80's band and there song titled " If you see Kay"

Now don't you feel smarter? haha Thought so. The point is, that in college I see a lot of people just getting by so they can get out and make money. People use to go to college to learn, to gain experiences and knowledge, but economic values washed those old ones away. In a day in the life of a freshman college student I see more students worried about what makes them money, and taking classes just to get it out of the way, rather than having love for something and wanting to know all about it. People ask me what I want to do, I want to do something I love. Sure, I would like to make a comfortable living, but I don't need anything in excess. Challenge time!

Challenge: Learn a fun fact. Learn A BUNCH of them! Take an interest in something, find out the answer to some bizarre question that you have always secretly wondered about. You can leave any fun facts you find in comments along with your reactions too if you would like! I love learning more, and as people who are blessed to live in such a strange and maginificent place like this planet, with all its culture and mystery, we should all want to learn something. So go off and explore!!


Peace. Love. Respect. <3

"Gotta be BIGGG AND LOUDDDD" =)

For those of you who do not know, that title is from the movie Cats Don't Dance, which is a cartoon and a very good movie!

Also, there is a change to my blog, did you notice? Did ya? I changed the title appropriately to "A day in the life..." This segment of my life can be known as "A day in the life of a college student".

Okay, so now for the point of this. BIG AND LOUD. BOLD. IN YOUR FACE. Without going overboard, these are usually seen as positive qualities in a person. Did you ever notice people around you can greatly effect your boldness level. My family is a bunch of Italians, enough said. However, on top of that, I have been dancing since I was three years old, which put me out there. Recently though, my boldness level seems to have dropped. Now I am still not what you would call a shy person, but for me, it has dropped a great deal.

My reasoning behind this is I put my faith in someone else, and let them make me feel bad about myself. It is amazing how someone who can put you up so high, is the same person who can make you fall as low as you can.

Faith in yourself is key. If you are awesome, KNOW IT, OWN IT. I am not exactly a model. 5'3 (which is considered tall in my family) with an athletic build and curves. But if I didn't tell you I wasn't awesome I would be lying. =) I am pretty sure we all are the best person we can be, if we thought we were not good people we would change that. There are exceptions to the rule, but the point here is confidence. For any of you who have read my Mama's posts (Touch'd) , confidence is sexy.

Okay, this is a short post, but the point of this one is the challenge itself. Many of my challenges I have done I feel are not as difficult for me, they are just how I live. This one however, is going to be more difficult.

CHALLENGE: take a risk. Not an itty bitty tiny one. Do something you normally would not do based on the pure fact that you are too nervous or shy to do it. Go up to that guy or girl, make that big proposal to your boss, dye your hair that crazy color you always wanted. It is something personal, and I know there are times we all look back and say "man, I wish I just did it." So DO IT. Like Nike says =).


Peace. Love. Respect. <3

Spread the LOVE<3

This post isn't going to be some big long story followed by my challenge.

Something short:

A lot of the time we don't realize what we have until it is gone. Some people are able to walk away from something they care about because of their pride and other stifling qualities. Love is in everyone's lives, whether it is family, a significant other, friends, or even pets. I find people get so wrapped up in so many materialistic and worldly things, that they lose track of what they love, what is truly important. I believe that as long as you have some type of love in your life, and it can stay strong, you can always make a bad day better. I would trade all of my material possessions to have a life of strong love with my family, friends, and eventually "the one". So your challenge today is something you should continue to do as much as you possibly can.

Challenge: Show someone how much you love them. Whether it is someone in your life you have taken for granted, someone who could use a little extra boost and knows that you are there for him/her, or someone you want to do something extra special for. Take a decent amount of time (just saying I love you or texting it does not count) and do something to show it. Actions speak louder than words, and if people followed this lesson maybe certain days won't hurt so bad.



Peace. Love. Respect. <3

a true straight-shooter

Have you ever noticed you never hear the exact advice twice? As much as I would like to help people with their problems, before I do I get every detail I can... Details, those tiny miniscule things that can change an entire perspective of a problem. Figuring out people from their own truths and lies is probably one of the most complicated scenarios life has to offer. Yet, that questioning of others' motives and true feelings, creates all the relationships we as humans have.

I personally try to never lie. I know, it sounds cliche, and you are thinking "yea right everyone lies." You are probably right. When my friend is upset and her cheeks are all puffy, I will tell her she is still as gorgeous as ever so she can get up and feel better. However, when it comes to emotions, to feelings about something, I never lie. To many people I am known as incredibly blunt, though I do it with a sincere tone and do not ever mean to offend or hurt someone. If you do something that bothers me or hurt me, I won't go tell someone else, but you will know and I will explain myself to my best ability.

I made one of my best friends that way, I did not like her, she knew it. However she told everyone that I was "classy" because she knew how I felt before the whole school, and I never said anything catty or "bitchy", I simply stated facts that she did, and why they bothered me. (one of those complicated friends with the same people , boyfriend cheated on me with her things). We realized it was childish and became friends, and that is something I guarantee you do not see every day. Especially for young teens.

Every now and then when I post, I will present my readers with a challenge. Last time was to try to live with the carefree loving of a child. This one, go an entire week without lying. If that is too much start off at a day. Just because you are honest does not mean you have to be rude either.

I have recently been hurt incredibly by someone I cannot figure out due to multiple lies and contradictory actions. If we each started to be more honest and straightforward, maybe that trait would start to pass down. Children see lying constantly and are bred for it. We can make a difference.



Peace, Love, & Koalas<3

Daydreaming

As children we are told to use our imagination, creativity, and dreams to guide us. Playtime, you remember don't you? Being a pirate or a doctor or anything you wanted, just dreaming about adventure and excitement.

But it seems as we all enter a certain age, where dreaming is cut off and logic takes over. As I get further along the path of adulthood I realize how badly I wish I could change this new world. It is about tangible objects, not about loving or caring, it's about money and self preservation. My father use to tell me as a child that I was more excited about big boxes than the toys inside them. Toys have a function, this is what is it, this is how you use it, go. Not the box though, it could be anything. I would cut out holes in it for a house, a robot, car, spaceship, boat, cave. You can look at the Rugrats episode when Tommy's father buys him a Kiddy Karnival for reference.

I find that simpler things are more entertaining, something that lets the mind wander, lets it breathe and stretch the imagination. Sure, there are inventors and writers and such, but lets face it, most of us end up doing the same thing every day, and that imagination drifts as we transform into adults.

I would like to be a child forever, and keep using my imagination. I am going on 19 years old, and I still think some of the most exciting times I have are when I am pretending and imagining and just playing, like a child. I will get up in my dorm and dance and sing. I love walking around the campus on nice days, listening to music, maybe singing, and letting my mind wander, I can almost see the fake creatures I dream up running alongside me. Or maybe I am apart of a great scene and the spotlight is on me. Either way, being a kid beats it any day.

Think about if children ran the world, it would be much easier don't you think? "This country hurt my feelings, apologize, okay?, now go play together." Children don't have prejudice and stereotypes, until adults build them in and say, "We'll that is how it is sweetie" We have all heard it getting older. If people were just able to keep that childlike mentality, things could be easier. Children don't use complicated versions of things, basic respect runs their lives. Share, play nice, and help each other.

I will keep this blog short, but I challenge anyone reading this to bring their kid out one day. Whether you are alone at home, or bored in the office, sit and let your mind daydream, not about material possessions like becoming a millionaire, but about true happiness. Dance around your house and act like a star. Or just sit and imagine something you haven't since you were a child, if it helps, take out some toys. You are never too old to imagine. =)



Peace, Love, & Koalas.

Internal Dreams

So, I haven't written since last year. Wow, strange to say isn't it. I will be 19 this summer, which means I am almost 20, TWO DECADES! Time flies. I still remember having my little adventures when I was little. Adventures are bigger and much more intense nowadays. As a freshman I already feel the pressure of getting a perfect 4.0 and choosing my major that will determine the rest of my entire life! It all hits me at once sometimes.

I don't want to have a job, or even a career. I want to say I fulfill my dreams everyday, to keep my passion burning strong. I love writing, and though blogs are not exactly my forte', my stories keep me going. Though with this busy college life, stories have been on hold. I am a writer and performer, and that reflects my newest aspiration in life. Opening a studio maybe?

Something small and local. Not for creating famous stars and making millions of dollars, but to make people happy. I am a dancer and singer and I love it more than anything. I have not been blessed with the incredibly tall tiny boned body of a ballerina. Hip hop and contemporary is more my style, but even at my best, I am no Mia Michaels. (One of my favorite choreographers) Singing is the same thing, I have a decent voice, and people like to hear me sing. However, I am no Whitney.

For me it is all about passion, getting up on stage or wherever the performance is, and singing or dancing my heart out. I feel the energy reverberating off of the crowd. I will have knots in my stomach and feel like I want to just scream from butterflies, but the second that first note sounds it goes away. I am in a zone and just live every emotion through each beat or syllable. The feeling is indescribable and is the best feeling in the world, the only time I am truly happy.

I want to give people that feeling. Put on a few small shows throughout the year, maybe one big one. Let everyone live out their dreams. Sure I probably have the talent and stage presence to maybe make a career out of it, but I would want to stick to small gigs and such. Then just teach and help out others, higher a few voice instructors for singing and maybe one or two people to help me out with the dancing.

I helped my friend the other day in my dance class. She struggled with some of the moves and I worked with her to get them right. The look she got on her face when I was done was amazing, and I was so excited to help her. I would love to help whoever I can.


So that is my current dream, give it a few days. Might change. =) My passion stays strong but exerts in different directions constantly.


Peace, Love, & Koalas<3

Lets talk football...

Yes, I am a chick and a die hard football fan. Born and raised Steelers fan, and I am a loud screaming terrible towel whipping crazed football nut. And Polamalu is my favorite player.=)))

Anyway, we won the AFC North, woot woot. But I have noticed lately how frustrating fans are. I am all for trashing opposing teams, but if you are going to go insane, know what you are talking about. Example, the last game we played with the Ravens wasn't exactly our best game. All the points except for our last TD were field goals. People say we got lucky blah blah blah. But, c'mon, did u see that last drive? It was sick, we just got everything together late, which the Steelers have been doing WAYYY too much. So... last TD.. the STUPID commentators debated about whether the refs would rule it a TD or not because they didn't know if the ball crossed into the endzone. Okay, for those of you who do not know the rules here is how it works. One: the ball needs to cross into the endzone-- Or Two: the player needs possession while having two feet in the endzone, same rule for a completion inbounds. These idiots were talking about whether or not he had the ball across the line. Hey dum dums, the refs were reviewing if he had possesion when his feet were planted.

Ever notice the commentators recently? Except for a few they are all basically football idiots. "Hey they didn't make it on 3rd down so it is 4th down now." Gee thanks, I couldn't have figured that out. Or the "Well, the score is 27 to 14 in the 4th with two minutes left, they really need a touchdown." NOOOOOOOO really?!

Then, I personally get all the time... "You are a girl, you don't know football." Then they get schooled when we talk about the game. really? I played football in the street with a bunch of big giant dudes who threw everyone into the cars when we played "touch". C'mon. But it is annoying to see a girl all decked out in gear saying how much she loves a team and then goes, "What's a first down mean?" (in dumb valley girl voice).

My personal opinion, if you are going to talk football, you cannot just trash everyone, but should be able to discuss the good and bad of your team. I know my Steelers, when it comes to other teams I know key players and follow a bit, but I could care less who they are playing the following Sunday, unless it affects my team. Like Big Ben isn't exactly on fire lately, but he has been doing okay. Plus, any real football fan should realize it is the coaching. I am sorry but Tomlin. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! When you put the same offensive strategy with every single defense, we get a little predictable. Run, run, throw, punt. C'monnnnnnn dude. Yea we got the best defense in the NFL, but I could be a better head coach. Make the adjustments with your offense. And as for the players, it is little mistakes that cost us games. Last game Ben made a couple of bad passses, and passes that should have been caught. Holmes was feeling a little butterfinger like, Washington too, but he redeemed himself at the end.

Though, I am happy to say the Patriots are blowing this year lol. I am from CT and have seen WAYYYYYYYYY too many bandwagon jumpers. Though I haven't seen those fans recently? hmmm wonder why. Personally I think CT should be a Giants fan state. Number one the Pats were suppose to be in CT originally, but left us, and number two I don't really mind the Giants.

Anyway, GOOO STEELERS. We have a shot against the Titans, but they really have to pull it together, no mistakes boys! Tomlin, give Ben good plays and ROCK THIS!


Peace, Love, & Koalas

It's the most won-der-ful time... of the year.

Okay, so... second post. Took some time, but I'm in college and I have finals, so yea. Anyway, its December, merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa. All the songs of happiness and love and giving.... sure. Now, my family is split religion wise, but my father is Catholic, so we do the whole Christmas debacle. I don't know how you people deal with the holidays, but mine is full of chaos. The world has so many more scrooges nowadays. If you didn't get your kid a Christmas present, what would he or she do? Throw a tantrum that's what. I am all for the giving and receiving of gifts, but people use to see the world for peace around this time. Now it is a time for sales.

All I have been hearing about is the economy is down and Christmas won't be the same. Call me crazy, but I don't recall ol' Saint Nick promoting money. This year on black friday a man was murdered in New York. MURDERED, customers slammed open the door and trampled him to death, all to buy some good presents for Christmas and get a couple of things for a few bucks cheaper. Now that's the Christmas spirit. Where has all the innocence gone?

Have you watched T.V. lately? I recently saw a commercial with two men naming all of the reindeer. Each time he named one, some modelesque woman in tiny clothing would get out of a car. What a pimp Santa has become. What are we really teaching our children? Remember all the songs that sung "Peace on Earth". It doesn't even make sense. Sure there are songs like the "twelve pains of Christmas" and twisted Christmas cd's, but holidays should still be about love and peace.

Oh, and something my mother and I noticed while trying to do a bit of shopping with the little money we had. It was close to Thanksgiving, and we needed food and a few odds and ends to cook in/with. Anyway, every , I don't know thirty seconds, we were asked to donate to all of these places. I understand it's the holidays, put out a bucket, if I am a giving person and I have an extra buck or two I will drop it in. But lets be realistic here, when people put you on the spot like that it isn't the funnest thing. Sure, I wish i had a twenty for every single person who asked for a donation for some charity. Hate to break it to ya, we are poor and can barely afford our own lives, the economy is in a slump if you didn't know. (sarcasm yea). It just makes you feel guilty, my mom and I felt bad we couldn't give money, but hey, we do not have any money to give.

Now, don't jump to conclusions. I love this time of year, I'm off break from school and get to be with my family. However, not all are so lucky. I truly love those moments with family, watching a holiday movie with some clay characters (the year without a santa clause is my FAV) drinking hot cocoa and thanking the heavens that you have what you do. I think everyone should be lucky enough to have those moments. Sure, America isn't perfect right now, and we all know people have their issues and problems in life, but let's all get into the holiday spirit! No one loves anything more than to sing along to domenic the donkey and dance around to rocking around the christmas tree =). You know you can't not sing along to those songs, and for my Jewish friends, Adam Sandler's stuff.

tips: make presents, don't worry about buying something fancy, i am sure it isn't a necessity to their living. I am doing it. Tuition doesn't leave money for presents, but I am pretty creative so I am all good. And if you personally want a cheap gift that lasts and is AWESOME. Touch'd by Rachel. Yea it is my mom, but the stuff is AMAZING. Body products, bath butter, sugar scrubs, moisture mist. Goooooood stuff. lol

Ending on a happy note, yea the world is greedy, yea there is poverty and problems, yea people don't all have the morals they used to, but it is still "the most won-der-ful time. of the yearrrr".


Happy Holidays =)

So this is what we've been waiting for?

Since this is my first blog, I will start off by introducing myself. My name is Courtney, I am originally from Connecticut, but attending school in New Jersey. Check out the picture if you would like to know how I look, but then again, isn't personality suppose to be what really matters? I'm sure.

Anyway, college, first semester, big changes. I'm not exactly a psychology major, though it is a possibility, but I have found a great deal of commonalities among students here. So, yea, college. The golden escape for all pissed off high school teens to a land of partying, hott frat guys, and their path to fame and fortune. Ha, right. I'm currently a little three quarters through my first semester. Now, I'm an outgoing person, one who was described as "intense" the first time my neighbor met me at an orientation event. Apparently a loud outgoing crazy person with short purple hair is intense. Who woulda thunk?

So, college, not what I thought. At least this one isn't. I expected opportunity the minute I walked in, options left and right, a fresh start, groups of people I could interact and become best friends with. Instead I have found myself in an overnight high school with more alcohol and stupidity. Even the seniors here have questionable drama. Maybe it's my school, overrated by a GREAT deal, but I feel this place isn't what anyone expected. Although I am most likely transferring next year to some other school. Though schools may be good and bad, when it comes to personable experiences, I find many freshman dealing with the same typical issues.

Everyone is changing, everyone is trying to be better than they actually are. Some girls are being laughed at for their high school tendencies, but they have only had a summer, those people can't change that fast. I however, look around at the chaos and become interested. The kid who came here for acting, only to be building sets, the one who came for education, and can't take the classes on their own campus. Many of the people here know what they want to do, and are changing their person. Yes, I am changing too, but I'm basically the same person, and a pretty awesome one at that I might add. I have huge dreams for myself, I want to change the world, or at least affect it in some sort of positive manner. How? No clue.

I'm not sure if anyone else can see it this way, but what will you do when you get out of college? Other than the typical teacher, lawyer, doctor, what will you do? Take that marketing degree to Crest Toothpaste, or to Sony Records? Work from home with the family, or travel do a different state each week for presentations. I don't see myself settling down exactly. Love, sure, but I want a career. It's not so much to see my name in lights, but when I die, I want one person, just one, to think of me at my wake, and be thankful and happy for the way I changed their life.

People here change you, can't deny it. My roommate and I are polar opposites. I'm an "in your face" outgoing dancing singing football watching rugby playing laughing crazy intense soft romantic girl with an "I don't give a fuck what you think about me" attitude. She is a tiny health impaired nervous crying shy stressed i care too much little person. We have a lot in common with certain things, but are sort of ying and yang like. The first weekend here there were about six girls in my little dorm room. Doing make-up, hair, trying on different outfits, yelling, dancing, etc. Now don't get me wrong I get ready girl-ish, just faster. But DAMN they were nuts, I had to step back because of the chaos, but I adjusted. (I'm more guy-girl, only hung with about two or three girls in high school, watch Sydney White). My roommate dealt with the same kind of shock when the first Steeler game of the season came on. GO PALOMALU!. Also, the first time she pissed me off, i told her, just saying, shut up your pissing me off. Apparently girls aren't straightforward.

Hm, I have gone off on different topics, and this is not what my entry was suppose to be about. But it works, the point is, people in college are halfway into the real world. High school we are protected, college is like jumping off that ledge, a little rope holding you up, desperately swinging toward the real world, with the pit of death below you. It's chaotic, it's not what you thought, it's exciting, and overall, it's unreal, but I can't wait to see what happens next.


peace, love, & koalas.